The spark. The lightning bolt. Chemistry. Or in the words of the late and oh so great Carrie Bradshaw- the zsa zsa zsu. That indescriable, undeniable, perhaps purely physical connection between two people, that marks our friendships from our romances, our mild flirtations from our all out flings and our polite “Good night” from our one-night stands.
Where does it come from? What is it really? Somewhere, out there, in world of government sponsored, world leading, Oxbridge graduated scientific knowledge I’ve no doubt there are phyisological/ pyschological/ anatomical reasons and evidence for why this phenonmena occurs, something to pheromones and chromosomes and other words that mere mortals can only hope to spell and understand…
…but if I’m humbly honest, I don’t want to know the science behind it. It would be like one of those ‘the making of your favourite special effects dominated movie’ documentary when you realise that that particular actor didn’t really drown in the ice strewn Atlantic,but it all happened on little sound stage somewhere in deepest, darkest Shepherd’s Bush; or like having the world’s greatest magician explain and demystify the most mind boggling illusion: understanding it, entirely ruins the thing itself.
So its out there, this zsa zsa zsu. I’ve experienced it; fleetingly, wonderfully: across a beer soaked bar filled with cheap perfume and fake ids, on a rain filled, wine fuelled Belfast street corner, and that cliched place of a far away land with the sun rising on the beach.
I remember moments: the spellbinding sensation of kiss, one that didn’t need to promise more, but in itself, in that moment, made the world stop spinning or made it spin only for the two of us: I remember the way he felt(strong, solid, warm), smelled(of Farenheit aftershave) and tasted (Wriggley’s Spearmint) and all importantly- how he made me feel and it is here that, even all this time and life experience later, I loose the words…
The zsa zsa zsu alone, I’m told, will not sustain a relationship: something beyond the lustful or physical has to also connect (even through the glasses tinted by endless chick-flicks, a multitude of 80s love ballads and and over-exposure to literature, through which I see the world, I don’t believe it lasts forever), for that someone to be your Mr or Ms Right rather simply Right Now. Shared interests, compatibility in how you each view the world, mutual respect, affection, a shared sense of humour; certainly these things should help to sustain a relationship far beyond the limits awarded by the teenage heartbreaker of the memorable kiss.
But my question is this- if, as I’ve recently stumbled upon in the dating jungle, you find the shared interests, the compatibility, the respect, the affection: someone you can talk to for hours, someone who challenges your world view and opens you up all kinds of possibilities but there is, no matter how hard you try, how much you flirt, how many times he reaches out and caresses your hair with his fingers absolutely and utterly not even a glimspe of the zsa zsa zsu ,is the relationship worth pursuing? Should I add this fabulous, intelligent, witty man to a long list of unsuccessful boyfriend applicants? Or should I at the grand old age of 28, give up on the zsa zsa zsu and settle for the compatiblity I would be left with in the long term anyway?
And my answer- I want it, no more than that, I need the zsa zsa zsu: somewhere out there is, I hope, my spearmint tasting, soul altering, thunderbolt of scientific destiny: once kissed forever enchanted: I refuse to settle for less.
